Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I was thinking about how fun next year will be with a new little munchkin around. He will be 9 months old and at his cute chubby stage! I can't wait! Actually, I can wait a few more months, his room is still under decorating construction.

Anyway,

Merry Christmas and Here's to 2010!

My Pregnancies: The Comparison

The other day, in the car, while my little punter was seeing how far he could kick my insides around, it occurred to me that this little munchkin and his big brother are VERY similar. In fact, my pregnancies are pretty much carbon copies of each other. Here are a few little similarities:

During my last pregnancy, I.....

~ loved Rap Music
~ fancied salads over desserts
~ mouthed off a little more than normal (Believe it or NOT?)
~ got misty eyed listening to "All I want for Christmas is You"
~ drank a cup of Soy Chocolate Milk a day

This time....

~I don't get misty eyed during any Christmas songs.

(everything else is the SAME!!!!)

My husband gets a little tired of the bootie jamz, but still thinks that pregnancy is magical. So, that's that. Although, I thought I wasn't going to make it through the first trimester without dying, I am happy to report that things are back to normal and the whole "momnesia" theory is true. You really do forget all of the horrible BS that comes with the territory.

Happy Pregnancies, to all you expectant mommies out there!

Hmmm... does anyone remember Thanksgiving?

Yeah, that holiday when we are supposed to give thanks for everything that we have been given? It's in November? Big pro-football day? There's a HUGE parade in New York every single year, since we can remember?

Yes, that holiday!

I can't beleive how quickly time is flying by. Halloween was a few weeks ago and just this past weekend, although it was 74 degrees, there we were waiting to see the big guy himself, Santa. And we weren't the only ones. But, yesterday, while I was picking up a few holiday giftcards, I stopped and remembered that Thanksgiving is next week. I had it buried in the back of my mind and when it surfaced, I exhaled. Why am I in such a rush?

I know why, because once these little kiddies get out for "holiday" break, heaven forbid we call it "Christmas", we, mommies, don't have a chance in hell of getting anything done without toting little sweeites with us. So Santa must complete his list ASAP!

As for Thanksgiving, I do really adore this holiday. My grandma lives here now and after a long hiatus of Grandma-less Thanksgivings, my brother, sister and I have practically reverted to toddlers when it comes to holidays around her. We all put in our requests of what we want her to make us, not my mom. Mom isn't real happy with our "revert", but she's going to have to get over it. My grandma is so wonderful!

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for:

The Warden (my cutie hubby).
The Munchkin (my little monster)
The Little Munchkin ( my little little monster)
My Familia
and most of all my Grandma, she is a ROCKSTAR!

And our next little munchkin is......

A BOY! Yep, it's another boy! And we are really excited. Kinda stuck in the name department, but we've got time to decide. Everything looks good, healthy, and VERY active. The due date stayed the same, so my C-Section will hopefully be scheduled around the same time mentioned in the beginning. March 20ish. Stay tuned...

Houston, we may have an a**hole!

Yesterday's weather was so beautiful. I can not stand being outside, but there is something about fall that makes me want to stay out as long as I can. So after the munchkin's tennis lesson, we headed to the park. As soon as we got there little man was all over the place, sliding, climbing, and apparently scoping the place for girls. It didn't take him long to zone in on Bailey, an older woman, she is four and very naive to his charm. They were taking turns spinning each other on this "spinning thing", he would stand up on it, Bailey would spin him, then she would stand and he would spin her, then she decided that she would spin him until she got herself dizzy. He got off the "spinner" and she climbed on and he told her "I'm dizzy, you turn yourself" and walked away like she was old news. It was such a little a**hole move. Poor little Bailey.

I wish I could tell you that his attitude changed later on, but when we got home from the park the phone rang and it was mother, who has the knack for calling when I am trying to cook dinner, you know the most convenient time for her, anyway, I told little guy to pick up the phone and chat with Grandma, and he did. The conversation started with a "Hello", followed by "I don't want to talk, so I am going to hang up". And that he did. It was actually funny because it was my mom who lately has been on my naughty list for being a tad annoying.

But, with these two little situations that occurred today, I am getting worried that our little goofball is becoming an a**hole! What am I supposed to do? Let him grow out of it? What if it's permanent? The warden is totally going to blame this one on me, he's really nice, and me, well, let's just say I can be a little rough around the edges, according to the warden. I can already see us getting a call from the cotillion instructors, that munchkin doesn't have a knack for being a good ol' southern gentleman. We are so screwed!

Couple's Retreat!

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Date night, take two! We tried to see this movie for our anniversary date night and the power went out at the theater. We got rainchecks and decided that we would go this past weekend. The verdict on this movie: it was okay. We, the warden and I, love Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau and Jason Bateman, so we were really excited to see this one. But we just thought it was all right. It's a renter. We didn't like Bateman's character, I can't stand Malin Akerman, she's a cheap version of Cameron Diaz, he thought it was weird to see Kristin Davis out of Sex and the City, but we both thought Faizon Love was pretty funny! It has some good laughs, but definitely not what we were expecting. We were expecting Swingers/ Old School humor, but got what we got! Date night was great, sushi was yummy (it was pregnancy friendly), and not having to put the little monkey to bed was priceless!

Grade: C- (actually a D+, but I'm feeling good right now)

To Cheat or Not to Cheat?

That is the question....

So I went to my 16 week OB check today and while I waited for my fabulous doc, for an hour, I was chatting it up with a few other preggies and we were talking about what each other was having and I innocently said I am only 16 weeks we will find out on the next visit and one the sweeties said, why wait, why not go to Peek A Boo Baby? It's like $59 and you'll know sooner.

Hmmmmm...... Was that a sweet suggestion? Or was that a challenge? For those who know me, it sounds like a double dog dare. Why did she put the idea in my head? Sure, she was just being nice, but now I am going to have to avoid going near our neighborhood baby boutique and ultrasound shoppe Nestled Newborn.

I told my husband about this innocent idea and looked at me like hmmmm..., but then followed up with a look like don't even think about it.

I feel like if I go, I'll be cheating on a major test. Like a self-control test.

Damnit!

We'll see if I give in to temptation or if I utilize restraint... Stay tuned.

8 years into my Life Sentence.....

It's not as bad as I make it sound. Just my warped sense of humor. It is the warden and I's 8th anniversary. It doesn't seem like eight years, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around how far we have come from our "newlywed" days. So in honor of our 8th anniversary, I've come up with 8 of our "finest" moments...

1) The time I got rid our couch to make room for a new one and found out it was back ordered for a month and we didn't have anywhere to sit. The warden took it like a champ.

2) The time I decided to join him on a midnight run, by riding my bike, and got so tired of peddling I threw my helmet at him and left the bike by a stop sign.

3) The time he went out of town and our bedroom doorknob broke and I got locked in our bedroom and had to call the neighbors and my dad to get me out.

4) Our infamous ski adventure.

5) The first time I told him I was pregnant, I took a cell phone picture of a pregnancy test and asked him if he saw what I saw.

6) Our first night home with the baby. We felt like the most under qualified parents EVER!!!

7) The ONE and ONLY time I tried to cut the grass.

8) All of the times when I had to start my conversations with, "Don't get mad, but...".

These are really all great moments, just because they are OUR moments. I joke alot about how crazy marriage can be and don't even get me started on parenthood. But, the truth is I love my life and it can get crazy and sometimes boring at times, but I can't imagine my life without the warden or the munchkin. They are the men in my life who will eventually drive me to drink, but they are mine and I love them.

You look familiar?

So in my old age, I've noticed that I hear myself and others saying things like "do I know you?", "do we know each other?", and the famous "that's where I know you from". It's kinda sad that our memories seem to escaping some of us and our obnoxious curiosity just doesn't let us walk away from these people and let them escape our 20 questions, just to say hey to them to not seem rude. When in fact I am starting to think that it is more rude to take up their time with my stupid questions.

Anyway, I was at the car wash Friday morning and this guy walked out to the waiting area and he said hello and there I was, in my head, wondering who hell is this guy? After ten minutes of resistance, question one popped out, "does your kid go to school with my kid?", he responded "No, but you look familiar,too". It went silent for a few more minutes and then it clicked, he's the guy from the pool. I shared my revelation and he loudly, in front of at least ten people, shared "I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."

It was like the DJ stopped and the record scratched and the spotlight was pointed right at me. I was so embarrassed, thinking, oh no now everyone at the Mr. Clean Carwash thinks I am the town's stripper mom. And even though, he quickly followed up with a loud, explanation of seeing me in my bathing suit, I still felt like the town's adult entertainer, I decided to stop asking dumb questions. If I don't recognize someone, then I don't recognize them, it's okay.

Where the hell have I been?

In a morning sickness induced coma! Yes, after a year of resistance, a little bit of persuasion and a MAJOR weak moment, I surrendered!

Although, we were totally conscious of what we were doing, no birth control and a fertility monitor "fertile alert", we were surprised to find out that our little rendezvous worked. We had actually been tinkering with the idea for a little while and made the decision that if it didn't happen, then it'd be okay. We decided that we wouldn't become obsessed with getting knocked up, by going through testing and medication, blah, blah, blah and I was fine with that because the idea of turning my cycles and sex life into a project didn't seem to be a desirable route, to me!

Anyway, enough about the logistics, I am with child, and I am out of my coma, still can't believe I was dumb enough to go through this again, but I am hopeful for great results. Now that I am physically feeling better, I am working on my mental state. I keep thinking over and over about my nightmare skiing experience. (A little insight into my skiing adventure: It was 2 years ago, I got removed from my beginner lesson and placed in private lessons for special needs skiers and completely humiliated by 2 and 3 year olds who skied better than I did, with pacifiers in their mouths. I actually got escorted off the slopes by ski patrol because I slammed into a barrier and knocked out a staff member.) I cried to the warden the other day about my fears and he tried to make me feel better and I told him I felt like having another one feels like he's asking me to go skiing again.

I'll be okay, there's no turning back now, the next challenge is how in the hell do we tell the munchkin that he will soon have a sidekick? He gets pissed when I buy other kid's birthday gifts. He actually gets a little miffed when the warden and I hug too long. We'll figure that out another day!

My EVIL Plan!

So, lately I've had the urge to lie and enroll my three year old in kindergarten. Not because he is ready for it or even 5 years old, but because around here, school starts in some counties Monday, August 3rd, or in our county the 10th. And I do not live in denial, and must admit that little man needs something else to do besides hang out with me. Preschool doesn't start until the end of the month. BOO!

I can't believe that I am saying this, but I am tired of going to the pool. I am tired of thinking of new fun things to stimulate my munchkin. If I have to pack one more cooler of snacks and treats I think I am going to lock myself in the damn cooler! I've read the the best days of school are the first and the last and even though I was so reluctant to put my little munchkin in preschool,last year, I can't wait to send him back!

I know, I know, I sound like a selfish brat, but I don't care.

Here is my EVIL plan, for tomorrow:

I am invited to a baby shower at 11 am. I plan on going to shower, having a little fun and on the way home I am planning on "getting lost". Thank goodness for my little GPS, I can get lost whenever I want. I feel a little guilty, but that should pass. Enjoy your Sunday everyone, I sure will.

Have you ever had one of those funny days?

Today began with an evite from a name I didn't recognize. I know a Anne* from the munchkin's preschool, but I didn't know her last name. I felt stupid calling her, but I had to because she was the only Anne* I knew. Thank Goodness it was her because the evite was for a "pole-dancing" class! I've always thought about going to one for kicks, but never thought I would get invited to one!

Then I was at out local Publix and like most mommies we get to know the staff at a few places, the grocery store, Target, and our salons and spas. Anyway, our favorite little cashier handed me an invitation to her Bridal Shower. I was surprised and congratulated her on the upcoming nuptials. I threw the invite in my purse and opened it when I got home. I almost fell off my chair when I read that it was a "Sex Toy" Shower. Apparently she is a virgin, who plans to "give it up in style" on their wedding night. I shit you not! It said this on a little insert, that I thought were directions to the place.

So needless to say my day was full of funnies! I didn't even check my mailbox today because I was afraid of what I might find in there!

Dinner + The Hangover = Our version of a date night!

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The warden and I haven't had a "date night" in four weeks, so with a little help from Nana, we had a wonderful night out! Dinner was fine, but let me tell you: The Hangover was flippin' funny! I don't even know what my favorite part was because the whole damn thing was funny. Mike Tyson. The cop car. The naked Chinese man. The baby. The sunburn. Everything! This is a MUST see! Oh and Bradley Cooper is on my list! That fool is HOT!

Grade-A

Boys will be boys....

We ran into the munchkin's former preschool teacher tonight, at dinner, and he announced to her and the rest of Chick-fil-a that he went pee-pee in the potty. She was so sweet and clapped for him while the other customers kinda giggled. Then he announced that he "pooted". It was not at all appropriate, but it was so funny. I know I complain alot about how this little turkey makes me want to jump, but when he catches me off guard like that, I just want to scoop him up and eat him. My grandma tells me that boys are little rascals sometimes, but they really do love their mamas. I love my little munchkin, inappropriate table talk and all.....

I LOVE Jessica and Hunter!

Who the hell are they? Only the funniest duo on Youtube! Check them out (after you push pause on my playlist):
They are CRAZY! Check out the rest of their stuff!

Potty Training 099!

That is not a typo, either. My husband and I are both not eligible to take on Potty Training 101, because let's just say we are equals on this subject. REMEDIAL! I may be able to kick his ass in reading comprehension and basic math skills, however WE ARE SCREWED with Potty Training!

I can't believe that our parents spent thousands of dollars on our two brains and we can't get a toddler to pee or poop in the toilet. Shit, I refuse to obsess about it anymore, because my self-esteem can't take it. But, I will say that I am coming to grips with the fact that my kid's got it in him, we just have to find a way to get it to stick! Our current trick is letting him blow out a birthday candle everytime he goes in the potty. I tried stickers, m&m's, rubber stamps, pennies, making myself cry (that's a lie, I got grossed out with a clean up and actually started crying),and other little bribes. The candle was my last straw and so far so good!

I haven't felt this dumb since we first brought him home. So as we enter week two, I hope my attitude will change and I won't have anymore breakdowns. If you are considering potty training, "May the force be with you". They really are like dogs, I almost emailed the Dog Whisperer for help.

Bring on the Motrin!

Tonight I attended and participated in a 17 and up HIP HOP class taught by a choreographer from L.A.! It was VERY fun, but I think my body was not ready for the hour and a half class. I knew I was in trouble during the warm-up when I saw all of the teenagers stretch like they were in the circus. The routine wasn't so bad, however, when they broke us into groups and I had perform with the teenagers, I felt like a friggin' golden girl. There were only 4 "old" hags, including myself and believe you me, we didn't move the way the youngsters did. I had and blast and was really glad that I took the class, but tomorrow my body will be pissed off at me. Especially when the rigor mortis sets in!

The sun is not the only "son" melting my brain!

I love the summer don't get me wrong, but it's only June 10th and I have already flushed all of the stuff I learned throughout the school year, down the toilet! I keep reading all of these articles about how to get your children to retain all of their hard work learned throughout the school year and now I am searching for a solution on how to salvage my mommy brain. I signed up our little guy for summer preschool and forgot when it started. It started last week. I also signed up for tennis camp, yep, you guess it, FORGOT! This is stuff I have been looking forward to for all spring, and poof!, I FORGOT! No words can explain how badly I wanted to schlep the boy off to granny's last week, when all along, I had already made arrangements. Oh well!

I guess my fun in the sun has melted my memory and my actual son has innocently torched the rest of my brain! I am back on track tomorrow, no more FORGETTING! Note to self: Don't blame "little guy" when he starts school and loses IQ points during the summer, blame genetics! I probably got it from my mom, the NUT!

If you can't tone it,tan it!

I've been a little bit bolder this summer compared to those of summers past. Bolder,by means of my swimming attire. I have proudly been sportin' smaller bikinis this year,rather than my typical "prude-ish" ones worn in the past two years (post-baby),not because I am any smaller, but because I can! In fact, I am here to tell all of the mommies out there, who are hiding their super-fly bods, to show us what you got! Don't worry about such-and-such who just can't get back to "normal", inspire them! I don't think I can win any HOT body contests, but after reading the most recent issue of people magazine with Melissa Joan Hart on the cover, I put away my old lady suits and replaced them with bikinis that cover my boobies and ass,of course. Save the stringy numbers for "adult" swim, what if your hooter pops out in front of your kid's friends, they will never live it down! You can still be sexy and chase your little monsters in an appropriate bikini! Thongs by the kiddie pool are not appropriate! I repeat, THONGS, BY THE KIDDIE-POOL ARE NOT APPROPRIATE! And my motto for this summer of 2009 is : If you can't tone it, tan it! Happy Summer!

I am so ashamed of myself!

The warden and I have finally decided that our house was in need of some cosmetic work, we seem to be very healthy on our inside, it was time to shape up our outside. Because, as our painter put it, "what's the point of being healthy, if you're ugly!". He is right! So with one little stroke of a pressure washer, our little "love nest" started to look like a new person! Who knew that a little exfoliation was going to look so good? I told my girlfriend, that the pressure washer must double as a magic wand. Even our stoop looks good. I actually felt sorry for our house, I feel like our home is part of who we are and can see how far we've come as individuals, a couple, and more recently a family. A lot of funny things have gone on in this house, the time a bird flew in it and the warden was out of town and I had to shoo it out myself, or the time our master bedroom doorknob broke and I was locked in it, while the munchkin was taking a nap, and I was talking to my neighbor outside my window, like Rapunzel and he was trying to coach me out without jumping, or the time I called the Fire Department because our Carbon Monoxide detector went off and I was convinced the "silent killer" was going to get one of us and they sent like five firemen ( the warden thought I was crazy until I heard him tell the firemen he had a headache and the firemen told him it was a false alarm, then all of a sudden he felt better). All of these moments in this little house make me laugh and I am so glad that it's getting a makeover, it's well deserved! The fresh paint will do it some good! I'm just so ashamed that it took us forever to do this. Sorry house.

What am I doing right this second?

Scratching my mosquito bites. No, not my boobs, REAL mosquito bites. I can't believe they are already out and hungry. The lovely Georgia summers are always such a treat, frizzy hair and mosquito bites. Last week I considered dreadlocks and tonight I'll have to take a Benadryl for the itching. I LOVE it here! The warden thinks it's hilarious that I just have to stick my pinky out of the window and end up with an armful of bites. I guess they love me because of my sweetness, yeah right! Happy Almost Summer!

I really do LOVE the warden.....

But, there is something about him going out of town that's kind of nice sometimes. He hasn't been on a trip in a while, so when he called me Monday to let me in on his weekly plans, I had to play it cool like "Oh no, not a trip.". When secretly, I was actually packing his bags in my head. Yes, my warped head. I am not a expert on anything except myself and I have found that for me, sometimes I need a little space. So thank you warden employers, you must've been reading my mind. Yesterday we had pancakes and peaches for dinner and I slept all over our bed and felt GREAT about it!

I am putting myself up for adoption!

Yes, I am a 32 year old stable female, potty trained, bachelor's degree holding, married, self-sufficient, and overall low-maintenance woman in need of new parents. The ones I have been given need a serious overhaul. So, if you or someone you might know are looking for a new daughter, I am their girl. My hang-ups are minimal. I have been accused of being a bit of a smart-ass, but it's better than being a dumb-ass, right? And, I might be considered to some a little teeny bit too opinionated. That's it! I'd adopt me, but I would really like some new parents to treat me the way I am supposed to be treated, not like a toddler. As an added bonus, my sister will be a free gift, she's good people, too.

"You need a licence to fish, but any asshole can be a parent"
~Parenthood

It was like art imitating life....

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I saw this sweet movie yesterday with my sissy and swear to you-know-who, that Matthew McConaughey's character "Connor", was actually one of my favorite friends. I recently spent some time with one of my favorite men on the planet and discovered that he too was a Connor, just jumping around from rock to rock, not quite sure what to think about all that mushy love stuff.

This movie was about a good-looking single guy, without any major hang-ups, just a loveless pessimist who knows how to love, but afraid of it. Anyway, he gets haunted by 3 ghosts, a la The Christmas Carol, and in a funny sweet way sees the error of his ways.

It was more entertaining for me because a lot of the shitty things that Connor was saying about love, I recently heard and didn't believe had actually come out of my buddy's mouth. So, what did I do this morning? I texted my love-phobe friend and told him to see this flick immediately!

Grade-B-
Matthew McConaghey HOT Factor-10

Happy Mother's Day to ME!!!

And how have I celebrated myself, this weekend? I spent all day in our yard with my dear warden and the "time-out" king himself, my little nugget. It wasn't a day at the spa, I know, but all of our bushes are neat and trim. And as an added bonus, my flower box is stocked. Woo-hoo!

I know that some moms out there are thinking, WTF? Why on earth are you so pleased? The answer is simple, I actually asked for this, oh and pair of brown flip flops.

However, I must have subconsciously wanted a day to myself, because a few minutes ago, I found myself coming home from a late night run to Target and Walgreens, chatting on the cell, ending up in the driveway eating a 3 Musketeers, having a good ol' time.

Happy Mother's Day! Mimosas will be served tomorrow at 11 SHARP!

Do I HEART D.C.?

Let's just say. I don't know yet. Could I possibly live there? Sure. Do I want to live there? Hmmmm... I've always been kind of a slow poke on commitment.

Oh, I guess it would help, if I explained myself. The warden and I spent a wonderful kid-free weekend in D.C, a kinda sneak preview into our future as possible residents in/near our Nation's capital. And let me just sum it up in a math equation.

Me+Warden+Kid+GA= Comfortable!
Me+Warden+Kid+D.C./VA= Not so Comfortable!

It is alot more expensive than ol' GA, with an apparent traffic problem that sounds made up. We are "hoping" to make a move in a couple of years, but thought what the hell, we've got a great friend that lives there already, frequent flyer miles that need to get used, a free babysitter (Thanks mom and dad), and time. So what the hell, we went! And had a great time, kid-less and cold beers, who could have asked for more? Well, I guess me.

I was loving those cold beers after our fun-filled day of checking out the area, they went down great and the buzzes I caught helped me forget about how tough these future decisions are going to get. Schools, commuting, new area. It was really strange. As excited as I am about the future, I am actually kinda freaking out, which isn't the best thing to be doing, but I guess it's normal. Right?

Anyway, do I HEART D.C.? I guess I'll have to approach it like an arranged marriage and make the most of it!

Who you callin' out of shape, Grandma? Oh, I guess me.

Yesterday, I received a call from our local aquatic center about their aerobic class. About six months ago, I had an idea to join a aqua aerobics class, but got wait listed. So, as I tried to remember how long ago I wait listed, I found myself agreeing to be at the class this morning at ten sharp.

As, I pulled into my parking space I noticed something, all of the cars surrounding me were Buicks, Cadillacs, and Lincolns. What the hell, where are all of the mini- vans and SUVs?

Not at this class, it was me and the blue-hairs. How hard could this class be? Surely, they'll try to be easy on these folks. WRONG! I got my ass kicked. These sweet older ladies were on fire. We did all sorts of fat burning aerobics and then I heard "get your noodles and weights". So, I followed the queen bee's lead and gathered my weights and noodle and then I heard the instructor say something, I thought I misunderstood. "All right everyone, let's float like we are in a lounge chair and do our 100 sit-ups". WTF? Yes I said 100. I think the noodle slipped under me and I sank a little bit.

The moral to this story is to never ever underestimate the power of our elders, they really can still kick our asses no matter how old they are. And yes, I will be returning to my class on Thursday, that is, if I can get out of my aqua aerobic-induced coma!

Just avoiding the dishes!

As I finished dinner and stared down the dishes, I thought, hmmmm...., I think I should blog.

The munchkin's party went off great, thanks to all the praying we did. We are lucky enough to have family in town so our soirees are usually family ones, with a few lucky friends, whom we've known for ages. It was a nice relaxing evening.

As I type I can hear the little guy singing "Happy Birthday", again. What a mess.

Speaking of mess I better go attack the kitchen, we should've had sandwiches, the warden wasn't home for dinner, damn thawed salmon!

Happy Easter!

Not a very eventful week. In fact,it was a bit BORING! I will not complain, next week will be nutty because the our little monster is turning 3. So let's all say 3 Our Fathers and 3 Hail Marys for GOOD weather for his party.

Other than that, Happy Easter and step away from your kid's baskets, those chocolates are NOT YOUR FRIENDS!

What is that light, Mommy?

Over the weekend, we were at my parents' house past seven o'clock, which for us is a BIG deal. Little Man's bedtime is 8:15, which means at seven we are usually in our house, chillin' out, watching Kipper, and keeping one eye on the clock. I feel like a temp waiting for five o'clock at a crappy job.

Anyway, as the skies grew darker, Munchkin saw a beaming light come through some clouds. It wasn't a plane, it was the moon. He shouted, "Look at that light, Mommy". All I kept thinking was, oh my gosh, my poor child has never seen the moon. I felt like such a bad mommy, like I'd been holding him hostage. It actually reminded me of the movie Blast From the Past ,with Brendan Fraser, the part where he comes out of the bomb shelter and he sees the sky for the first time.

Yes, I did feel a little guilty for keeping the moon away from him, but I got over it. We ended up leaving shortly after his first encounter with darkness and hope that one day he and the moon will reunite, but for the time being, he'll keep mommytime, you know, where it's daylight all the time!

My Kid, the comedian!

My little guy and I weren't seeing eye to eye this evening. Right about 5:30 p.m. he turned into a little whiner. After dinner, we got into the car and he just kept going with the whining. So I turned around and told him I was going to send him to the moon. He replied, in a clear sentence, "No Mommy, it's (the moon) too high". My husband and I looked at each other like, Holy Smokes, that's that's pretty funny! I am happy to report that the munchkin and I are friends again, after his little funny he lured me back in like an bad boyfriend. He treats me like crap, and I fall for his charm, EVERY SINGLE TIME! Oh, the joys of Motherhood!

Can you be "burn-out", if you don't smoke?

I didn't go to high school here, in the "peach" state, so I am not sure what the kids were called, who smoked cigarettes just off the school's premises, but where I come from we called them "burn-outs". I knew many burn-outs and thought that they were nice folks, but I also knew that if I needed to talk to them I was sure to find them behind our school smoking by the green electrical box.

I thought about these guys the other day when my husband and I were taking our little guy to have his picture taken with some live "Easter" animals. We were talking on the way there and I felt compelled to warn him about where we were headed. He asked,"We're just getting his picture taken,right?". I said, "Yes, but I need to tell you about the clientele.". Look, I love going places with our son, but when there is a photo op involved, I almost get embarrassed because of the way some of my fellow mothers act.

I told him, to treat this photo op like a drinking game. I told him to keep count of all the times he hears crazy ass moms shout their kid's crazy ass names, (Shepherd, Harley, Blade,etc.), or women calling their little girls by their first and middle names, (Anna Grace, Jenna Leigh,etc.), and to also keep track of how many of these ladies are dressed in work out clothes, even though they have clearly not worked out since most of them have full make up on. He thought I was crazy, but when it was over and we got in the car....

He looked at me and said, "Oh my gosh, you nailed it!". Of course, I did. I hate that I am "stereo-typing" fellow moms, but they do it to themselves. I love being a mom and I love other moms, but sometimes I feel like if Motherhood was high school, I would be a "burn-out". Because I can't stand the way other mothers act. They just act like morons. In high school, I was, I guess, popular, trendy, a cheerleader, involved in student activities, but I also hung out with questionable people because I thought that they were nice.

So my point is, I don't smoke, but after spending some time in line to see these "Easter" animals, I needed a drink and a cigarette. Which leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, those "burn-outs" were on to something. I apologize to all the "burn-outs", in high school, hopefully, they didn't see me the way I saw some of these moms now, OBNOXIOUS!

I think my kid was trying to tell me something...

Tonight, when I was getting the little man ready for bed, he looked at the ol' glider and said "Mommy's chair is falling apart".(I guess, he remembers my husband and I discussing the chair.) I said "yeah, it will be OK.". Then he took both of his hands and put them in my hair and said, "Mommy's hair is falling apart, too". At first, I laughed, then I took a look in the mirror and thought, he's right my hair looks like shit, it is falling apart. So thanks, little guy for letting mommy know that she is in need of a magic session with Adam. Let's just hope that when he is older, he learns to keep his opinions about his girlfriend's jacked up hair to himself!

A Great New Show!

My husband and I have seen Chris Isaak in concert, either two or three times and can't tell you how much fun his shows are. So when I saw that he has a show called The Chris Isaak Hour, I was a bit intrigued. Like a good mommy, I DVR'd it last night and saved it for our "hot" Friday night. I am glad I did, too. Michael Buble was his guest and it was really good. The interview was fun and the performances were great. Everyone should totally watch this show. Guests that are coming up include: Stevie Nicks, Smashing Pumpkins(Oh HELLO 1994 Lollapalooza), Chicago (one of my dad's faves). Even if you just DVR the Michael Buble one, it's kinda romantic, when that hot little fool sings "Home". That song melts my heart everytime, even though my hubby swears Buble has "man boobs". Anyway, there's my recommendation for your "hot" spring nights!

Oh my Goodness!

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I love movies, I especially love funny, kind of silly movies. I dragged my sissy,kicking and screaming, to this one, and since she is a "virgin" to Tyler Perry movies, I think she might have chuckled a couple of times and actually surprised herself. This movie will not win awards, but it did do the trick and made me laugh. I feel like lately everyone has been so serious and edgy, maybe its the end of winter blues, the economy, or maybe folks just feel like being pissed off, but me, I have got to get myself out of my "funk" and laugh. So, if you want to laugh, go see this movie or rent "Diary of a Mad Black Woman". Madea has a way of just saying it like it is and it kills me every single time......

Review- c+
Good Laughs- Priceless!

Ever wonder where "hand foot and mouth" disease comes from?

I have been known or accused of being anal about germs and often wondered how in the hell some kids can get this awful disease called "hand foot and mouth" and today I saw with my own peepers how this disgusting disease gets around.

I'll give you a minute to get your barf bags ready.

You ready?

I was at the local mall today where they have an area for kids to jump around like hyenas and moms can sit and stare at other mom's methods of discipline. As well as, how long it takes them to realize that their child left the area 10 minutes ago while they were yucking it up on the phone with their neighbor who just had her first round of botox. Anyway, as I looked past all of the stereo typical suburban moms, there she was, a poor nanny watching over an infant in a carrier and a toddler, named Shepherd, I shit you not that was his name, just like Dr. McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Anyway, the nanny carefully placed the carrier and down and chased after Shepherd because his pants were falling down. About ten minutes into playing, I noticed a white little toosh shining at me and yep, it was Shepherd's. Apparently, his parents don't care if his clothes fit properly and don't believe in underwear, they just want to make sure that his clothes look expensive. The poor nanny couldn't keep getting up to keep him covered so she let him run around mooning everyone. Then it occurred to me that he wasn't just running around mooning us, he was sliding his bare bottom all over the play area and unless he's an animal that can lick his own ass to clean it, chances are his feces were contaminating the WHOLE area. I never left a place so fast, you would have thought that the wartime alarms were going off and was seeking shelter, I broke the human speed record.

I know that it is not Shepherd's fault that his pants didn't fit him and that his parents don't make him wear underpants, but wake up people, Shepherd doesn't need to be going commando when he's playing with other kids, the chaffing alone probably doesn't feel good, so on behalf of all the mom's out there who give a toot about our kid's health and disease-free lifestyles, keep your kid's dirty ass off of the play areas, it is soooooo NASTY!!!

My Personal Politcal Analogy

I was watching Fox News this afternoon, during one of my son's timeouts, and heard one of the Fox commentators and an opposing commentator give and compare political analogies, neither made sense to me, but at dinner I was talking to my hubby about it and I came up with :

If our government was American Idol, Simon would be the GOP and Paula would be the democrats.

And kind of with a chuckle he said, "Sure".

If the political "news" media would speak to us in entertainment terms, I think we would all be better off.

Spencer and Heidi= GOP
Brad and Angie= Democrats

Feel free to share your analogies...

Pardon me doc, but you're an A-HOLE!

I hate to be a complainer, but here I go.

My little guy went to bed last night with a low grade fever, 99.7 and a dose of Motrin. He slept fine, but woke up with the same fever and a pitiful little look on his face. So, I got us an appointment at 9:10 this morning. Of course, as we entered the "human incubator of funk", also know as the pediatrician's office, the little rascal was back to his old tricks. Except with a fever. The nurse took us back, weighed him, took his temp, 99.8, and asked me why we were there. Technically, I had no idea, except the fever and his pitifullness. The nurse asked me if we had been anywhere that could have possibly gotten his exposed to something. I told her we had been to a jumping place for a birthday and he went to a playland with Nana and Papa. She nodded like, duh? Anyway, we waited for our doc, who I have always liked until today. He checked him out, ears, nose, throat, back, tummy, and he found NOTHING! What does this mean, to me a common person, somewhat educated, privately insured, punctual, respectful? He's got a virus. Really doctor, what kind? "I don't know mom, there are 3000 kinds of viruses out there, so I don't know." I am not kidding you that is word for word what that A-HOLE said, "I don't know". Well doc, you know what I didn't know either, so I came to you, M.D.. I guess I should have gone to McDonald's to have my kid looked at, I would have gotten the same answer. These "professionals" kill me!

Foot in Mouth Syndrome!

Hello Readers,
Do you ever say things in front of the wrong people?
or
Do you ever wish you could make your "word vomit" stop?
or
Do you ever, in mid-sentence, start clicking your heels, to see if you can leave a situation immediately?

If so, you are not alone, its called "foot in mouth syndrome"? I used to think I had tourette's. Wrong.... Then I was told that I lack what some people may call a filter... Wrong,again. I just talk and talk and talk. Damn it! I think it might be genetic, but unfortunately, it's untreatable,possibly fatal.

Today I ran into a friend of ours, who is single,and I was going on and on about how we think he should try to be the next Bachelor. We laughed and carried on and then his "girlfriend" met up with us and she kind of gave us a look like what are you guys talking about, and he got quiet so I said, 1/2 jokingly, that I was just telling him that he should be the next bachelor. Ha! Ha! She didn't think it was funny at all, actually she snarled. Whoops! First, I didn't know he was seeing anyone, and let me add, he's like 60 and she's probably mid-40's, and I really didn't mean to piss her off. Anyway, if anyone suffers like me, please help me get the help I need before I get my ass kicked.

Our Valentine's Day

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Our BIG Valentine's date was actually Friday night. It was really nice because my hubby came home early, like three and Nana and Papa came to get our little offspring at three thirty. It was as if God was reading my mind. We went to dinner and to see the movie Taken. Dinner was so-so, but the movie was awesome. I actually chose this movie, not my hubby, and enjoyed every ass-whipping it had to offer. After the movie, I told my husband that I wish I could kick someone's ass as swiftly as this guy did. Real romantic-huh? Anyway, we were home around nine and since this week I was battling a not very sexy cough/throat funk, my awesome ENT, Dr. Mark Yanta, prescribed me a super-duper cough medicine that not only knocked my cough out of me, it actually knocked me out. The romance was turned on high this V-Day. Needless to say, I feel great and had a great date with my hubby even though it was a sedated one.

Oh, as for the movie Taken. Loved the story, loved the action, didn't really care for the way the daughter treated her dad, but I understand it's fiction. Ummmmmm...

Grade-A-
Date Night-A+

Slumdog is my favorite dog!

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This was a very cute movie. A little sad in some parts, but a great balance between drama and endearing? I guess. Is it a must see? Let me just say that its not a disappointment, but I'm not convinced its "Best Picture". I saw it with a friend and my sister and we all enjoyed it. It was kind of a Girl's Night, so that is always fun.

Grade- Solid B+

Funniest Insult I Can't Wait to Use....

"You're a giant toddler"
~Lawrence from Smart People

I actually rewound (is that a word?) the movie to make sure I heard it right and laughed again. Isn't that funny? I can't wait for my husband to do something crazy so I can say it, then watch him try to figure out why I'd call him a toddler. HA!

Our HOT Saturday Night!

Last night was pretty much a low point in our 2009. We ate PB&J for dinner and rented two movies. Well, I need to correct myself and say my dear husband rented us two movies. First things first, we have not rented a movie in at least seven years and to prove it, Blockbuster had to tap into their DOS system to find our name. My husband said it was funny because the guy looked at him like "Dude, you weren't kidding". Anyway, my darling rented Step Brothers and Rambo. I don't know if he was drunk or had a gun held to his head, but I was shocked by his choice. Needless to say, we watched Step Brothers and it was just really dumb, and as for Rambo, let's just say I passed on that epic.

It kinda felt like we were newlyweds again, though. Cheap college-like dinner, bad rentals, the only thing that was different was our better, more sophisticated TV. The movie was terrible, but it had one good line:

"When she gets old enough, I am gonna put her in a home."
~Will Ferrell as Brennan in Step Brothers.

HA! That kills me. The next time my mom says or does something messed up, I will totally use it. So.... Thank you crappy Will Ferrell movie, you had one zinger. Oh, and dear husband the next time we decide to rent a movie you will not be in charge. Moron!

Who are the Wheelers on your Revolutionary Road?

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I have been really curious about this film for months now and the verdict is in..
this movie is fantastic. The acting was good, but the story is phenomenal. I went with my husband to see this last night and even he liked it. Though the story is dark, sort of depressing, and a whiff twisted. It is definitely a "Must See". The movie is about Frank and April Wheeler, who appear to be a typical suburban couple, complete with 2.5 kids, great house, she stays at home while he works in the city to support his stereotypical 1950's family. What makes the story so friggin' interesting is how Richard Yates, the author of the book Revolutionary Road, captured the gritty truth about marriage, kids, and living in suburbia. The fight scenes between this husband and wife are so real and the subject matter is so personal, it truly is art imitating life. I don't think that single people would like this movie, or people who are in denial about their "perfect" marriage would like it either, but if you are in a stable honest relationship, where your fights can get personal, not physical, you'll see this movie with different eyes. Definitely a "Must See" and you should see it with your spouse and talk about it afterwards, because you will definitely be able to recognize who the Wheelers are in your life, they really do exist and the parallel will shock you.

Grade-A

Kids Truly Love You, No Matter What or Who You Are.

What a Great Day for Our Children! I know that there are a lot of Debbie Downers out there, who have not gotten to a happy place yet, with our new administration, but you guys are going to have to get over it and you have got to start NOW! I watched today's inauguration, and must admit that I was really getting excited about my son's future. I must add, that I have never actually watched the swearing in, LIVE. It was so cool, all of the tradition and preparation was exciting. I, in the past, have always been at work or school, but today, I actually took my son to school, power walked for an hour, and started a load of laundry before I sat down and got a little misty eyed, when I saw our "Former" President welcome our "New" President. I know that's kinda dorky, but who cares. Then tonight, as I was looking through tons of pictures the web has already posted, I came across this one and thought it was too cute, not to share with all of you. It totally reminds me that President Obama is really just a dad/husband/son-in-law/son/grandson/classmate/friend. And by the look on his little one's face, she doesn't really give a flip who he is or what he does as long as she knows that he loves her enough to keep her safe, keep clothes on her back, and her belly full. That's all we can do for our kids and that's really all they want us do for them. Let's celebrate today through our children's eyes and embrace who we want to become!

Oh no, my DVR is too small for Mondays!

My name is Andrea and I'm a TV-aholic.

Hi Andrea.

Last night was not good. The warden and I almost started a fight during a commercial break and it wasn't pretty.

Mondays are not everyone's favorite, but in our house since the winter line-up has decided to kick ass, Mondays are our new "pre-kid" Fridays. But, I am afraid to report that my claws came out last night. I had my DVR scheduled to record Gossip Girl at 8p and How I Met Your Mother at 8:30p. Everything was fine, until I heard "Oh Shit". I was in our bedroom watching The Bachelor, and went to our living room, to find my husband yelling at the TV. Apparently, during his precious 24, My two recordings during 8:30p kicked him out of 24. Whoops! He was mad, but instead of asking me if I would mind if the recording stopped on one of them, he took it upon himself to choose for me. What a dick. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that the DVR is not to record dumb shows. Excuse me, asshole, you mean to tell me that Trucks and 4X4 TV, is worthy of a "series priority", I don't think so.

Needless to say, he told me he stopped How I Met Your Mother, and instead of saying something mean, I told him that I was going to throw one of his favorite things away, tomorrow and he would have to guess what it would be. How childish of me, right? I don't think so. You can mess with my cooking and make fun of my mama, but don't mess with my TV. I guess we'll have to get another DVR, to peacefully coexist.

Girl's Day Out!

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It was a rainy day in Atlanta, but a perfect day for a eight fabulous ladies to enjoy a good chick flick. We got together and saw Bride Wars. It wasn't the greatest movie in the world, but anytime out with the girls is always fun. The theater was packed with chicks, so it must have been in the air for a little sister time. Anne Hathaway is one of my favorite actresses, right now, (GO SEE RACHEL GETTING MARRIED!) and Kate Hudson is always just so fun and even though the trailer showed all of the funny parts, it was a good way to spend a rainy Saturday. Oh, and the beers and bar food were quite enjoyable, too. So, here's to Girl's Day Out! Cheers!

Movie Rating- C
Day Rating- A+

One teeney little manipulator! (aka My Little Dictator)

I know this will sound weird, but I think my son was a lawyer, in his previous life. Not a good lawyer, like Atticus Finch, but some sort of ambulance chaser. That little turkey has started to talk more and he has become quite the persuader. For example, the other day he told me he was going to play in the back room, which is actually, his favorite poop-stop in the house, yes, you judgemental moms out there, he is 2 1/2 and still in diapers,anyway, he actually took the q-tip container and cleaned out his ears and nose. I know he succeeded too, because there was a booger on one q-tip and some faint yellow earwax on another. He wasn't playing the back or poopin',he was manscaping. I'm all for grooming and hygiene, but just tell me you're going to get into to something that is off-limits, and don't start sneaking around. And what reminds me of a crooked lawyer is what "no-no" thing he did, because technically he was just trying to groom himself, so how can I get mad at him for doing something perfectly legal? I guess, I just feel duped.

I'm guessing the manipulation will only continue, but I am hoping that he continues to just try to sneak in good things, like grooming, and not start smoking cigarettes in his fort.

Best Things about the New Year!

The best thing about ringing in a new year is my beloved "boob" job. I am not talking about my "pointer sisters", I am talking about my boob tube, that's TV for you nerds out there who didn't know. Every January, after the holidays, the networks like to pull out all of the stops and give our boob tubes the lift and pump they need. Last night, my DVR was busy. New Gossip Girl, new How I Met Your Mother, and drum roll please..... NEW The Bachelor. My mind was totally flooded with excitement, I almost lost it when the warden dared to ask the question "how long does this show last?". That fool should know to just enjoy every second these shows have to offer and to flip out when it ends on a climactic note. Other mentions of mindless TV include: VH1's Confessions of a Teen Idol, check out Eric Nies, remember him from MTV's the Grind and Real World One, it took me a rewind to believe it was him; ABC's True Beauty is good and VH1's Rock of Love Tour Bus is great, I think Brett Michaels is funny as hell and I wish he was our neighbor, he really seems to be a good guy. That's all I've got. Happy New Year.

Valkyrie? Me? Yes, I know. I only have myself to blame.

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I actually went and saw Valkyire, and even though you won't be seeing Mr. Cruise on any nomination lists this year. I must admit that the story was good and it kind of shone some light on how crazy the way "Hitler's" Germany was back then and how today's "world" problems are kind of the same as they were way back when, with different players. Overall, I am glad that I had a gift card to see this one, but wish that Tom would have put a little more effort into this film and at least tried to act more like a one-eyed German soldier than Maverick a la Top Gun. Definitely a great story, but if you are looking for great acting, go see something else.

My Review: C-