I feel weird saying this, but I kinda miss the warden (my husband).

I know, I know I never have much to say about my husband, at least anything good or sweet. So, no need to worry that I am going to get mushy, I am however, going to list my Top 5 Married Moments, so far.

1. Our trip to Durango, CO- It was the worst trip of my life. But, despite my inability (or disability) to ski. We have laughed more about that trip than we ever thought possible.

2. Our moonlight bike ride- I must have been drunk when I asked him to get me a bike for Christmas. When I said bike, I meant like a banana seat, beach cruiser,not a mountain bike. WTF was he thinking? He decided to go for a run at like midnight and I thought I would ride a long side of him. Bad idea! My legs were burning so bad that I threw the bike on the ground and started to walk away, he asked me what I was doing and I whipped my helmet at him.

3. The way I told him I was pregnant- I didn't know what to do, he was out of town and I couldn't figure out how to say it. So, I took a camera phone picture of the EPT and sent it to him over the cell phone.

4. The time our parents went to D.C. with us- Yes, I said our parents. My mom and dad and his mom and dad. It was a disaster, but we survived and to this day I can't look at those street signs that count down how much time you have to walk, without hearing my father in law, in his loud and somewhat obnoxious voice counting along with it.5..4..3..2..1. (I am rolling my eyes as you read.)

5. The time we were talking trash to each other about who was cooler and I said "Well, who's the hip hop dancer?"and we both lost it.

I hope you enjoy this entry,as much as I enjoyed remembering these things.

A Dedication to all the Wannabe"Cool" Moms

I often wonder what it would have been like if my mom would have been a little bit looser with me as a kid, but the more I think about it I am actually glad that she was a "normal" mom. At least she wasn't like Regina's mom, whom my sister teases me about all the time. So all you crazy "cool" moms, take a peek at how stupid you look.......


Smooches to my sissy, who tries her damnedest to help me keep it real.

A blast from the past, is a GREAT thing!

Okay, so here's my story. I grew up in a suburb of Chicago called Bolingbrook, or the "Brook". And personally, I loved my childhood/adolescence/young adulthood because of this little town. I tell my husband all the time that I want our son to grow up in a place like I did. So let me get to the point.

A few months ago, one of my oldest,dearest girlfriends from the "Brook" called and insisted on me joining a website called "the Brook", it was like Face Book. So, I did and sure enough all of these memories started flooding back into my head. And I so badly wanted to share them with someone who was there. And unfortunately,my poor husband just didn't get it. It was kind of exciting and weird all at the same time. But, it was also kind of sad because I didn't have anyone to share it with. People I had forgotten about and people who I thought of often were popping up on this site faster than teenagers to a keg. I felt like I should do something about it.

Almost immediately, I got messages and sent messages to a few of my long lost BFF's. These girls were my whole life for years and like most friendships things changed, we got married, had kids, careers, etc. Pretty soon, we had separated. Not in a vicious fight or anything just parted ways. But I can honestly say that every year I think of them on their birthdays and have the fondest memories of our lives that we truly shared. Sure, we might have missed some milestone events, but there is something about our friendship that never got lost.

So Thursday, I got an email from one of my long lost BFF's and she gave me her phone number and before I even finished reading the email I called her. It was like one of those moments where you don't even think about it, you just do it. And I laughed with her and felt like even though I hadn't talked to her in seven years,it didn't matter.

We talked about our current lives, what happened in past seven years, our families, our husbands, this damn website we are all addicted to, and our pasts. I couldn't believe how fun it was to be talking to someone who knew all of my old stories. Funny shit about old boyfriends, who farted in front of me and completely grossed me out, stories about my poor mom having to drive drunk boys home from my old house, the stories were flying out of our mouths like they were just yesterday.(I know that sounds old fashioned.)

I didn't feel weird talking to her, in fact, I felt like it was about time that I had. There was no need to waste any more time thinking that I should call or email. I just did it. And it gave me a chance to remember a lot of funny/good times in my life that no one else would ever know about except my BFF's from way back when. I've made friends since then, don't think I am some loner, but being able to talk to someone who knows the skinny on your past is quite the blessing. So, thanks BFF for making me laugh and reminding me that we had so many good times together and it would be really dumb if we let seven more years go by before we shoot the shit again.

Oh Geeze,my kid has the Squirts!

I have been very fortunate for the past couple of years. My little guy has never been as sick as he has been for the past three days. He has the SQUIRTS! It's gross as an adult to have them, but let me tell you, cleaning up someone else's is worse. I don't give a flip if the mess is my sweet little baby's. It's NASTY. So, here's my question, "Is he sick because of the preschool?". I just recently put him in a two day a week program at the local church and since then we have been to the doctor three times in two months. I used to work at a doctor's office so I know not to stalk my doc for every single thing, but I just can't understand how my sweet healthy toddler has turned into "germ ball"? Yes, I do understand that kids pick their noses, lick their fingers, and rub their eyes, but come on, they get sick on contact. It sucks. And the worse part is once they recover from one thing, its like something else is lingering around the corner. I'll get back to my cleaning. My house smells like the Lysol factory. SQUIRTS SUCK!!!! Oh and a message to all you mother's out there, who still send their kid to school sick because you have to get your hair highlighted or you have tennis, SCREW YOU! It's people like you who spread this funk!

Mamarazzi? Who me?

Yes,my friends,(a la McCain), there is a such a phase in a mom's life when they become a part of a pack of women they never thought they would become a member of and that group is called the "mamarazzi". Today, I was at the pumpkin patch with my ds(dear son) and my dh (damn, oh I meant dear husband) and I had my camera glued to my hands and just kept clicking, as if Britney was shaving her head. I was making myself sick. And then it occurred to me that I was morphing into one of those moms who thinks she is Annie Leibovitz or Herb Ritts. It was funny, but I am without a doubt a member of the "mamarazzi" and I've got a million pictures of my little guy to prove it. Why a million pictures? Who knows? Who really cares? Who knows? One day, when my munchkin is going through all of my stuff,he too, will ask, "Why the f*** are there so many pictures of me with pumpkins?"

"Quit Should-ing All Over Yourself!"

I am a member of a Mother's Group at a local church. (YES, there are churches that exist that accept flawed people, like myself, they are called Catholic churches.) Anywho, last Friday the guest speaker was Dr. Paula Bloom, http://www.paulabloom.com/, and she was fan-fucking-tastic. She talked to us about how, as women/mothers, we have the tendency to should all over ourselves. We should spend: more time with our kids, less time at work, more time in the kitchen, less time in front TV, more time reading to our kids, more time with our husbands, blah, blah, blah... The list is endless. But, instead of should-ing all over ourselves, we should just be true to ourselves and accept that the only people we need to answer to ourselves and God. Our kids and our husbands love us for our flaws. So, I've been thinking about it and have decided that I don't give a shit about what other mother's think is right. My son is a product of me and my husband and it is up to US to provide him with the love and support he needs and if every mother in Atlanta is potty training their kids at 2, good for them. If mom's are growing their kid's hair out like the Jolie-Pitt kids, let them. If all the mommies are trying to look like Sarah Palin, God help them. But as for me and my family we will continue to have our own style. So enough with the should-ing.We don't need any more pressure on ourselves or from our neighbors to be cool, because we are already cool and quite frankly, we've got the looks to back it up,too. HA!

My Top 5 has a NEW member.

Drum Roll, Please........(Don't laugh, but it's....)

Brody Jenner.
He is replacing my longtime top fiver, Edward Burns. Who is still hot, but a family man now, and not in enough magazines to keep me interested. Maybe if he comes out in a good movie or makes a good movie and quits wasting time with his band , I'll reconsider.

Who else thinks that Kendra is dumb?

Bless her heart, she is a MORON! But, for some strange reason it's fascinating. Check this out.......

Who else thinks that this election is over-staying its welcome?

A little something to do when the kids go to bed tonight.....
The Presidential Debate Drinking Game